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missing her

Marika getting some love.

Today I saw a Vizsla tearing around a field, in search of whatever ecstasy of smells she was discovering, and I was reminded of my beloved Marika. 

 

Without Dog

 

She won't eat,

drinks only small

sips from the bowl I hold

oiut to her.

 

Please, I say, please.

She attends earnestly,

panting, watching the air.

 

~

 

I learn to stick the neeedle

quickly. I learn

to do it in the dark.

 

One hand holds an IV bag

high, for pressure,

the other slips the needle in.

 

~

 

After a week

she walks again, around the block,

to the school yard.

 

No rules now--

I feed her hot dogs,

I feed her chicken fingers.

 

She runs in the woods.

 

 

~

 

And then one day

she won't lie down, won't

rest her head between her paws.

 

When I reach to stroke her

she startles and pulls away.

She keeps herself alert,

head raised, listening,

till she falls into an exhausted sleep

 

~

 

from which she wakes 

to stagger around the room,

listing to one side,

bumping into walls.

 

Do you want to go outside?

I say. I say,

Let me give you the world.

 

~

 

UPS leaves a yellow slip in the door,

Sorry we missed you.

I stick it on the fridge

 

and when it falls to the floor

the sound of paper

fluttering

 

makes me turn and think

She's back.

 

~

 

I dream her young

and healthy

but still

she hesitates, outside

a dog door we never had

 

until she gathers herself

and leaps, landing

 

in our kitchen.

She scrapes her nails across the floor,

turns

and tries it again

and again,

what a show-off,

out, in--I can watch

 

forever, her body

poised

for the jump, then

launched, ears flapping--

 

out, in,

out.

 

 

(This poem oringally appeared in Tar River Poetry and then in my book, Dinner with Emerson.)

 

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